Maui Day 3

Today in Maui we learned alot. We learned that we love kayaking. We learned that we love being out in the open ocean. We learned that S is a great nautical navigator. Then we learned what being badly out of shape looks and feels like. The story goes like this....

Early this morning, we ventured out on what was to be a great, relaxing kayaking and snorkeling adventure. Just the two of us. The kayak guys told us to leave anything we didn't want to get wet on dry land! GOOD ADVICE! Off we headed with our kayak and snorkeling gear. S was our navigator. She was great. We paddled out past the lava rock and coral reefs. We were doing really well! We got to one of the best snorkeling sites on Maui and decided it was time to see some awesome marine life and sea turtles. S got her gear on first as I tried to steady the boat. Ok, so far, so good. Then S said she was ready to go in. "Go ahead", I yell back to her. "I've got the boat!" Just as S enters the water, the kayak lists to the right. Doing what any good motorcycle rider would do, I lean into the turn. Oh wait - CRAP! This isn't a motorcycle! Plop.....into the water WE go. The kayak has successfully been flipped over and is now a piece of the floating debris we have surrounding us. I thought those things weren't supposed to flip over!

No problem, we thought. We are both good swimmers. So we each work our way into position at each end of the boat to right it at the count of 3. One, two three.....nothing. The dumb boat won't budge. Try again....one, two, three.....still nothing. How did this dumb boat gain THAT much weight?? I decided I better find my life jacket in the pile of stuff floating further out to sea and put it on. I grab for it, but as good boaters should do, we must stay with the boat. Finally, I get an arm hooked around it. Then I have one of my more brilliant ideas and decide that we should perform a push-pull maneuver to swim the boat back to shore. I was in front, and S was at the back. Try as we might, all we were doing was drifting around like pieces of Styrofoam. No problem - we are still determined, but soon we realize that we are looking more like flailing idiots than the productive swimmers we think we are.

Suddenly, a guy in another kayak comes over from another snorkeling tour group and asks if we need help. HELLO??? Two women gasping for air, trying to hang on to the dumb kayak that has now grown to over 6,000 pounds, and flopping around like mexican jumping beans in a hot skillet....yea, we might need just a LITTLE bit of help! Kind as he was, he tries to direct us on how to turn the kayak back over. Ok, we think - he's still IN his boat, so let's give it a try. One, two, three.....nothing. OK, he said, let's try again.....one, two three......nada! Now he positions himself around our kayak to give it that extra boost of energy the three of us need to right it. One, two, three.....grunts, groans, moans, and a few more gallons of salt water into the lungs.....YES! The boat is upright. Great! Now all we have to do is get back in it! CRAP!!! He tells me how to get in. Does he NOT see who he is talking to??? A middle aged overweight gagging woman who had consumed enough water to fill our dogs pool?? OK, I think - he's crazy, but I'll give it a try. As I am grabbing for his arm, I look to my side and see S trying to gather up some of the gear that was still floating around in the water. He pulls my arm, and YES, I am in the boat. Then he turns to S and said to do the same thing. He grabs her arm, and in one perfectly synchronized motion, he pulls her in, and I go headfirst back into the water! One in, one out!! CRAP again!

He patiently says to try again. Is this guy nuts?? OK, let's try again. Better yet, I tell him that I will swim to shore. He said that I can't because I would get too cut up from the coral and lava rock once I got close to the shoreline. Ok, this guy is determined. I grab his arm, and he firmly grabs mine. He pulls.....and pulls......I bob two inches out of the water and fall back in like a ton of bricks. We try again....still nothing. "One more time", he says, but by now I am pretty exhausted. We lock arm holds and pull with all our might. YES, a foot is hooked into the boat. We keep pulling.......YES, now my upper body is half way across the boat....almost there....keep going.......with one final surge, I flop into the boat like a huge tuna fish that has been hauled over the side of a fishing boat after a long struggle with it's captor. I'm in!!!! GREAT!!! Crap - where is S??? Did she go back out as I came in?? My butt is up in the air, and I can't see her because my face is buried into the bow of the boat. Then I hear her voice say she is with me. Now I have to actually try to get up and get my dairier out of the air and sit on it. All the while I am praying that there are no telephoto camera enthusiasts watching this whole fiasco.

With wounded pride, we thanked our rescuer, who continues to look for my gear. Whoda thunk that snorkeling gear would sink to the bottom of the ocean?? No luck - he can only find my fins. After about 20 minutes of pulling two dead weight dingys into their capsized boat, the kayak guy heads back to his tour group to make sure that no one from his group has gotten themselves into such a mess. NO, are NOT and NEVER WILL BE any photo's of this adventure posted on this blog!!

To sooth our deflated ego's, we decided to do what we do best....go shopping. We got showered up (you can't imagine how much sand you can get in places where it shouldn't be) and headed out to the Shops at Wailea. We bought some gifts and souvenir's, and felt much, much better.

Just before dusk, we headed back to the beach to catch another beautiful Maui sunset. We were escorted to our own private beachside cabana, where we were pampered with drinks. We decided to eat dinner right there as the sun began to set. Tiki Boy joined us, and ordered his own dinner for the very first time. He even flirted with the cabana girl a little. The sunset was beautiful, and just as we were walking back up from the beach, we watched the nightly torch lighting ceremony here at the resort.

Tomorrow we leave this absolutely amazing paradise and head off to Kauai. We learned just a few hours ago that our 14 pieces of luggage will not be arriving with us because of the strict weight restrictions the airline has on inter-island flights. Hope for us that they get us our luggage as quickly as possible. We think our destination resort staff will do about anything to get us our luggage after other guests start complaining about two smelly, homeless women hanging out in their lagoon.

We can't wait to go kayaking and snorkeling tomorrow once we arrive. Nobody on that island has seen this butt yet (I hope)!